Hoi An

Is this cool or what?

This is the Golden Bridge at Ba Na Hills.

I’ll talk about this later in the blog, but I wanted to start with something ‘hand’some. You have to ‘hand’ it to these peeps on creating this bridge. You want more… I have a hundred.

Do all your rooms smell like this?

The room looked good but smelled bad. Not ‘look under the bed for a dead animal bad‘, but still bad. Add to this that I really hate making a fuss. I think many people fuss. I don’t even return things to stores. Half my wardrobe are clothes that don’t fit. After 61 years I am about to make a ‘complaint’. I am going to ask, no check that, I am going to demand a different room. Since I am at it, I will mandate that we get an upgrade from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bed, 2 bath suite. Then I will insist we get a pony, and a monetary break on my taxes for last year, and I demand world peace. After all we are staying here for 7 nights.

I truly am curious how this is going to go. Complaining and getting my way is kinda my kryptonite. With the level of English here in Vietnam being ‘just good enough’, to employ nuance, comradery, or even sympathy will be a challenge. Will I have to talk to several people in order to get my point across? A few days ago, in Nha Trang, it took no less than 5 hotel employees to get directions to a store to buy an AA battery, (I had the dead culprit in my hand showing people what I wanted exactly). We will discover things about my personality along with the burning question: Is the customer always right in a communist country?

Phrases like “what can you do for me?” or “Can you give a guy a break” just don’t work. Those are western nuanced idioms. I have to stick to simple complete sentences. “We arrived last night”. Even the word ‘arrived‘ may be too much. “Got here” no way. That makes no sense to a person just learning English, So, I’ll use “checked in” which is a standard hotel phrase.

“We checked in last night. Our room is not good. It does not smell good. Can I have a better room?”

I’ll change ‘last night’ to yesterday, which is simpler. If you have not made a serious attempt to learn a foreign language you may be confused. But hang in there.

Well, I have a new kryptonite. Smiling, cute, polite women who just give you a new room halfway through my compliant. We now have been upgraded to a much nicer 2 bedroom, 2 bath suite with an ocean view. I didn’t mention getting a pony nor the break on my taxes, but still, I’m very happy. So, what I have learned is that just start with “this room stinks” even before you walk into the room. Then you get goodies. But ya know, this is not how we roll.

Hoi An, Vietnam

This is what I wanted. This is ‘My’ who is the nicest hostess in Hoi An. Unfortunately, I got Cruella…. see below 🙂

So far, not a good start with our new accommodations.

A voucher, really?! It is for breakfast not a safe- deposit box access ForCryingOutLoud!

It is early morning and I’m ready for a hot cup of joe and a buttery, flaky croissant. We walk nearly 200 meters from our building on the large private complex to the main building where the dining area is located. As I approach the hostess station, I remember that I did not have the vouchers I was given when we checked in late last night. It was a 12-hour travel day, and I was just not that organized. Instead, I brought my patented upbeat mood and a sincere smile and let the young woman know that I didn’t have them on me. I even offered my room number. And said I’m sorry, I expected a smile, then a head nod, followed by a “just bring it tomorrow.” But she wouldn’t budge. “No admittance, without your voucher.” I was reminded of many WW2 movies about Nazi Germany and the term ‘ze papers’. I tried to impress upon her that I am innocent, just a little hungry, but it was a ‘no go’. “Must have ze papers“. Well golly. (Golly was not the word I was thinking of) So, we walk 400 hundred meters and take 4 elevator rides to retrieve our stupid vouchers. I’m feeling a bit burnt. We finally return and I hand her the small slips of paper, make no eye contact, I just looked at her name tag which was “Dan.” Yes everyone, I know the ultimate fault of this sin was management who put her in that position, but I’m a little mad at the ridiculousness of it all. This is not a Motel 6. This is a high-end, 5-star, all-inclusive resort miles from anywhere. No one is going to try to snag a free breakfast. ‘Somebody‘ has mentioned maybe I should let this go. I think she is probably right. But I’ll hang on a little longer.

An Apocalyptic Beginning

The Citidines Pearl Hoi An is nothing less than massive. They have just under 600 rooms, apartments, and villas. I suspect 2000 guests could be easily accommodated. As I walk around on our first day it is as if I landed on a set for an apocalyptic movie where all of humanity is gone. I half expect to see Charlton Heston walking about. We had the place pretty much to ourselves.

Lots of room for business, but no businesses. I could have shown dozens of empty areas ready for business addtions.

Even the halls echo a little…

Most of the restaurants and storefronts were not open and the windows covered such that you could not see their emptiness. Such an eerie feel.

Did Citadines Pearl Hoi An turn it around? How did they do it? Who was responible for saving the day?

To the left is Nhu and she saved the day. She befriended Diane and me from the first night. Maybe she instinctively knew we needed a soft landing. It is dark, you are tired and hungry and don’t want to make any effort whatsoever to feed yourself. You walk into a place which has a sign “Pizza/Beer/Cocktails” out front. Nhu is fun, and full of energy. She is what we needed. Quick with a smile and was super happy we ordered our beer with ice, which is Vietnamese style. We now have a beer date with her next year in Chiang Mai.

The good things, there are many. The nicest beach I have ever walked on where first the adjective that comes to mind is ’empty’. That is what I want. The sand itself is baby powder soft and white. The temperature was a comfortable 85 degrees or so. I’m not a ‘hang out at the pool’ kinda guy“, but we did that a couple times. Having a mango smoothie while chatting with each other next to a 1600 square meter pool did not suck. In retrospect, we were happy. it worked for us that it was ’empty’. I suspect there were maybe a couple hundred guests, but in a place this massive you didn’t see them, nor did it merit adding or even opening restaurants. The architects of this behemoth beautiful resort certainly had ambition. I’m sure Covid did not help. I’m confident they will come around. The place is fantastic. The staff are excellent, with the exception of Cruella guarding the breakfast buffet. ‘Who I may have to hold a lifetime grudge.‘

Phoenix Restaurant !

There seems to be a math issue in this country. I will include Thailand also. Tonight, we went to restaurant called Phoenix. As we first walked in, I noticed a table of three sharing a bottle of red wine. I thought to myself “I’m home.” We had a couple dishes, chicken with vegetables and Cao Lau, a thick noodle with marinated pork dish well known in Hoi An. Both were remarkable. Along with this we had three Tiger beers. The waitress brought a dessert tray with several options. Normally I’d wave this away. But an evil idea was forming in my mind. I asked for the drink menu to be returned. I could see Diane raise one eyebrow because she already had put two and two together. There was cheesecake on that tray. I desperately flipped through the pages. At first, I was not finding what I was looking for. It knew was a long shot…. then I saw it. Amaretto. (Well, I was really hoping for Ice Wine… but…) It all came together. Somehow the waiter read my mind and said “Amaretto?”

The dessert combo is one of my favorites. I did not expect the cheesecake to be so perfect. As we were lining up a Grab for the ride home, the waitress dropped by with a couple of shots of pineapple infused vodka. The hits keep on coming. So, the math? Yeah, $18. Wow!

The Phoenix Restaurant in Hoi An, Vietnam is one of our favorites! I looked up a highly rated restaurant called Mom’s. We went there but it was packed. Serendipitously the restaurant next door, Phoenix, turned out to be awesome.

Yes, we ended up going twice and the second time managed to spend $32. I think it was the addition of wines and the gin and tonics.

I had the opportunity to chat it up with Chris, the owner, originally from France. I found Diane out front talking it up with one of the staff whose English was at a chatting level, which is always impressive.

This was his first month in business. He also runs an Airbnb upstairs with 4 rooms. He certainly was a good guy.

Night Food Tour

There are events, adventures, and moments that I know while they are happening, I will not remember the detail that is deserved. Tonight was one of those times. We were on a food tour in Zone 2 of the city. This is really where the people of Hoi An live. Not the touristy parts of town. No blame here, after all this is a ‘tourist’ town. As we walked down these alleys at night, I had moments where I could peer into the lives of others. People lounging and watching TV after a long day’s work. Sometimes mom was cleaning up from a dinner meal. It was dark in the alleys, but house lights helped my view. It was quiet. It was normal. It was people. Many times, my view from the dark and narrow alley, the front room was visible and, in the back, would be a stairway to the bedrooms a floor above. The pics don’t do it justice, but they will help me remember.

Phuoc shows Diane the prep work on grilled octopus and cucumber. Food tours are not dinner. They are an education and not just about the food.

Food tours allow you to peek inside another world, especially the tour by Phuoc. We were always introduced to the owners of each restaurant, smiles exchanged. Then the history and background of the restaurant owners and their specialties were shared.

Phuoc was born in Hoi An and worked in the restaurant industry. Now he runs a business showing tourists his town. Everybody seemed to know him. Most of the women flirted with him. He was our guy.

Some of, if not all, the kitchens seemed like their home kitchen. I suppose since most of them lived in the floors above, this was not untrue. Sometimes just a single gas burner. Food items stacked around the room. Yes, maybe some of the places deserved a scrub down and some fresh paint. I was gleeful to be there.

I think the rule is don’t stick your tongue out when you are being photographed by a blogger. You will live in infamy. She was a hoot. We laughed a lot, especially when our guide was teaching me to say ‘delicious’ in Vietnamese as she looked on.

Papaya salad from a street vendor. She has run this place for a decade.

Best beach that I have ever walked on...

Morning beach time. It’s roughly 9 am. The marine layer has yet to burn off. Life is good.

The ocean does a lot for me. I walk on this empty beach with white sand that feels like powdered sugar. It was warm but not as burning as I expected. As I approach the ocean, the sand turns damp. Then soon the flowing water slips over my ankles and toes. At first it is a shock, then welcome. The waves crash not too far in front of me.

Given a choice I am a beach stander, not a walker. Nothing can recreate the sound of crashing waves. Nothing can replace the calmness I feel as I stare out at the horizon. I always want to ask it the great questions. Great big questions. In a few minutes my mind empties, and I want to stand here forever.

My Son Sanctuary UNESCO site. (7th century old stuff in the middle of the jungle)

Take Only Photographs, Leave Only Footprints, and Kill Nothing But Time

I suspect if humans suddenly disappeared today, in 1000 years these building will be still here. New York would be a forest again and Los Angeles would be a desert beach.

Our path through the jungle in Vietnam. Here bomb craters look like lovely little ponds, and bullet holes in ancient 1300-year-old buildings can be seen. I winced every time it was pointed out to me.

At first, our guide was walking so fast, I nearly had to jog to keep up. The reason behind this madness was for us to get front row seats at a cultural performance. It paid off.

An unexpected dance show….

Ba Na Hills

What is Ba Na Hills? I’m not really sure. But I do know that they are just one ‘Na‘ away from being a delicious yellow fruit.

In short Ba Na Hills is an amusement park. We had a great time. Every 7 minutes or so we would say “look at that”. This went on for hours. After reviewing the billion photos we took, it seems we got in ‘selfie mode‘. Amusement parks just seem to do that to you. I cannot explain it. It must be in the physical and psychological design of the park. I can imagine hearing engineers talking “Yah, dis will make dem take de zelfie” (As I just re-read that sentence, it seems a mix a French, Austrian and German accents)

The cable car at Ba Na Hills is the longest in the world. After 4 hours of walking around we were tired and out of words. Our guide Lanh, Diane and I were the only ones in the 10-seat cable car. It was a 25-minute run over the dense jungle 100 meters below. We would ultimately go down 4500 feet in elevation. The cable car did not make a sound as it whished over the greenery below. As our elevation lowered, we moved into a cloud bank. At times I could only see a short distance and the cable overhead seemed to go into a forever whiteness that shrouded us. The hushed silence was a welcome respite Suddenly a cable car soundlessly speeding the other direction would appear out of the dense fog, the car disappeared as quickly behind us.

Into the white darkness we traveled…

The crickets and birdsong around us in the jungle were so loud and so close, that I firmly believed they were coming in on speakers inside of the cable car. They were not. At times the whiteness broke enough to get a firm look at the jungle. Then a loud roaring waterfall came to life in my ears, and I had to turn around to see it snaking through the jungle below. Because of the speed of the silent car, we felt a welcome cooling breeze the entire way. It was 88 degrees while we were walking around the top. Now in the speeding car it had dropped 15 degrees or so it seemed. Yes, this was as cool as you can imagine. Maybe more.

Conclusion:

Did I finally let the breakfast voucher thing go? Yes, though I hugged it for several days, but encouragement from Diane helped me let it go.

A tourist town and we were tourists. We enjoyed the heck out of our time here. The usual things happened. Locals would just start speaking Vietnamese to Diane. They assumed she was a Vietnamese woman hanging out with a gray-haired westerner. This is always good for a laugh. Good food was eaten, and one trillion selfies were taken. Actually, more selfies than usual here, I’m not sure why. I am beginning to feel a tad travel weary. We each have been working out of a carryon-bag for 20 days with 6 days to go. We are 5 flights and an 8-hour train ride in, with 5 flights remaining.

Random Us Pics...

I am from a generation before selfies, where you had to wait at least a week to see your photo. I have not worked on my selfie face. I always seem bemused.

The 3rd runner-up to the Steve Bennett look-a-like contest held in Vietnam every year. Steve would be my brother if you are wondering.

Diane buys a new hat from the Hat Lady!

Our guide, Hai, at My Son Sanctuary.

Random City Photos

Ba Na pics

This in Lanh our guide. He was most excellent. Knowledgeable and funny, a great guy to spend 5 hours with. He even assuaged some of my guilt on the Vietnam War. “Bill, we don’t care anymore. That was then. We love and welcome Americans”. That was good to hear.

Bill is confused with his next chess move.

Really? You made it to the bottom? Wow! Thank you for reading. I know it was a little long this time, but that is just how we rolled this time. I will remind you that these blogs are meant for the future me, in 10 years or so. That is why they have all the personal thoughts and such. Look for Phu Quoc, Vietnam next week. That will be our last in the Vietnam series.